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Ask Dr. Shameless: Intro to Kink

Ask Dr. Shameless: What’s Your Shade of Grey? An Intro to Kink for Beginners

When is the last time you were surprised by a sexy request? Are you prepared for your lover to ask for a golden shower, a little flogger play, or an experience as a cuckold? These are all variations on sex that many would consider kinky. So what’s “kink” all about? To be honest, it depends on your definition. Some would say anything not vanilla is kinky, but then we’d have to agree on a definition of vanilla. The intro to kink below will help you get acquainted with some kinky terms that you should know if you’re interested in exploring your kinky side.

For starters, kink is anything that one views as unusual, different, or taboo during sexy time. Keep in mind that not all kink involves sex. It can be as simple as impact play where one’s bottom is paddled by a seasoned domme until it becomes a delicious black and blue. It could be as involved as suspension at a dungeon in front of throngs of adoring spectators. Kink is what you make it, and we’re here to take the scare away from it.

For eons, kink was kept behind locked doors and was all about latex body suits and ball gags, but these days it’s much more accessible and mainstream. Larry and Susie down the street might be having a scene right now, and you’d never suspect it at the next block party. A certain trilogy of books helped bring kink out of the shadows, and we’re all grateful. Suddenly housewives received society’s permission to beg for a good flogging.

An Intro to Kink: Terminology

RACK is a term used in the kink lifestyle, and it means “risk aware consensual kink.” Essentially, it indicates that a participant is aware of any risks and is sober enough to consent to both the risk and the activity.

Impact play is an activity where one person receives an impact from either an object or a hand from another, for example, a paddle, a flogger, or a whip. Be careful! These accessories can do damage, and learning how to wield these instruments of divine pleasure from a trained expert is important.

Power exchange is the concept whereby one person willingly cedes power to another in a consensual and specific set of circumstances. This creates the familiar “Dom(me)/sub” dynamic. Contrary to popular belief, however, the sub has all the control in this scenario. The submissive and the dominant work out limits in advance, and seasoned and ethical dominants adhere to these without fail. This includes activities, time frames, others’ involvement, intensity, and everything else a scene might entail. A safe word or a gesture (for use during a scene with a gag) is established, and the dominant ceases all action if or when that safe word is uttered.

A scene is an experience crafted and imagined by participants during which certain activities happen. A scene could be as simple as role-playing at a local bar where the partners pretend to be a cheating spouse and a business traveler. Or, it could be elaborate, involving a dungeon, ropes, power exchange, and an audience. The important takeaway is that the elements are agreed upon in advance, safety is paramount, and aftercare is delivered. Aftercare may include attention, soothing, food or beverages, soft clothes, blankets, or anything else a sub wants after the scene is complete.

Sub drop is the feeling of letdown after an intense scene when a sub experiences a downward emotional plummet. Not all subs experience this. This isn’t to be confused with subspace which is the euphoric, trance-like feeling some experience during a great scene. Chemicals are released, time seems to either speed up or slow down, and outside elements are basically forgotten about. It’s a zen-like happy feeling where a sub can feel floaty, dreamlike, ecstatic, and euphoric. So, reactions to scenes really run the gamut, and it’s important to know how to best care for the sub afterward.

Literally hundreds of books are dedicated to exploring kink. What you need to remember in order to get started exploring is consent, education on accessories, and knowing your limits. Perhaps you could set a goal to discover three to five new kinky things this year, or if you are adventurous, this month!

An Intro to Kink: Toys That Are Body Safe

Vibrant has a whole collection of kink toys for those looking to explore bondage and fetish across a spectrum of price points. But some of the staff favorites for newbies are listed below.

The Tawse Silicone Paddle by Tantus has historical origins: versions of the tawse used to be used for corporeal punishment in Scottish schools. The smack it delivers is fierce, so beginners will want to start very slowly.Intro to Kink: Tawse Paddle

Next up, give the Leather Handle Suede Flogger by Rogue a try! Floggers are great for those who are expanding their BDSM play beyond spanking into high impact stimulation. This beautiful suede flogger has a shorter leather handle and leather hand loop so you never lose control.

Intro to Kink: Leather Flogger

If you have a pretty good feeling that you’re going to like exploring kink and want to start a collection, the Beginners Six Piece Bondage Set by Easy Toys is perfect for you. This kit includes handcuffs, ankle cuffs, an eye mask, and a tickler – all the basics you need to get started with bondage and sensory play. The four cuffs come with elastic straps so you can bind them together, to bedposts, or anywhere else your deviant heart desires.

Intro to Kink: Beginner's Bondage Set

Shop Body Safe Sex Toys Now

Vibrant’s Body-Safe Toys Can Give You a Great Intro to Kink!

Vibrant has an array of body-safe sex toys for every body. Check out our curated collection of toys and books, too! Or, chat with us, and we can help recommend the product that’s perfect for you. We’re available 9am-9pm EST daily on our website chat (just push the purple button at the bottom right!) or call us at 866-316-VIBE(8423).

Dr. Shameless

Dr. Shameless is a therapist and clinical sexologist operating out of Las Vegas, Nevada. Dr. Shameless is committed to helping people achieve their personal best in their sexual selves. Let's move from shame to courage together!

Dr. Shameless

Dr. Shameless is a therapist and clinical sexologist operating out of Las Vegas, Nevada. Dr. Shameless is committed to helping people achieve their personal best in their sexual selves. Let's move from shame to courage together!

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