Everyone goes through periods in life where they feel disconnected from their sexuality or would like to make some changes in their sex lives. If you feel like you could benefit from a better connection to your desires, ask these five questions to find the gap between where you are and where you’d like to be – whether or not you have a partner.
When You Have Sex, Which Acts Currently Satisfy You?
Grab a pen and write down the first thoughts that come to mind.
Which positions are your fave? Have you struck a good balance of solo exploration? Do you like to have the lights on or off? If you have a partner, what do they do that consistently drives you wild?
What Do You Dislike During Sex or Masturbation?
You could dislike the frequency, or an imbalance of pleasure (if you’re partnered) or perhaps you’ve gotten bored with your masturbation routine.
Sometimes, even if you’re routinely getting off, one of the most significant and yet overlooked factors is predictability.
Maybe you know of a particular position or maneuver you need to do to climax. Yes, that knowledge ensures orgasm, but it kills the possibility of experiencing hidden pleasure potential.
What Do You Desire?
Strange though it may sound, refrain from taking your partner’s likes/dislikes into consideration.
Allow yourself the freedom of acknowledging specific kinks you have that are yours alone.
You are allowed to have an individual sexuality outside of your relationship. If you’re not partnered, what would you like to spice up your solo time? Sometimes a new book, a fun toy, or even a wild fantasy can help break up the monotony. “Getting Off” by Jayme Waxman is a great read for people with vulvas, or people interested in learning more about vulvas.
Another great resource on masturbation is “Sex for One” by Betty Dodson. Reading up on self pleasure is a great way to get to know yourself better, and can increase sexual satisfaction during both solo and partnered sex.
Imagine You’ve Been Given an Opportunity to Make One of Your Hottest Fantasies a Reality. How Would it Go Down?
Play the scenario out in your mind. Anticipate red flags that are bound to pop up for your partner and mitigate the issue. If it makes sense, take the initiative to bring in reinforcements such as extra pillows, padding, lubricants, etc. The goal is to select a tryst from your mind’s fantasy reel – but don’t be entirely unreasonable. If you have a thing for silver-haired, hard bodies, but you’re dating a loveable thirty-year-old couch potato, they can’t fulfill that request in a literal way.
But there’s always roleplay!
And speaking of roleplay, have you ever considered unicorn sex? This adorable Unicorn Tails butt plug can make that fantasy a reality.
How Can I Become a Better Communicator of My Needs?
By asking what it is YOU can do to improve the situation it removes the option of making your partner the scapegoat. There will always be things that our partners won’t feel comfortable doing, and that’s okay. But, it’s detrimental to withhold feel-good tips from your partner on ways to please you, when it could be a bonding experience for you both.
If you’re not partnered, this is a great time to schedule regular check-ins with yourself.
Listening to your body and regularly assessing changes to your needs and wants can help make your solo sex life more mindful, and a whole lot more fun.
By asking yourself sexual preference questions, it gives you a baseline to build a better sex foundation. Once you’re clear about your wants, you can work on improving the sex life that you have and stop focusing on what you lack. Just remember to make this a fun, open, and honest adventure and that no doubt will lead to bigger, better, hotter things.
Want to Find the Perfect Toy to Increase Your Sexual Satisfaction?
Vibrant has a variety of sex toys for every body – check out our amazing collection! Or, chat with us, and we can help recommend the product that’s perfect for you. We’re available 9am-9pm EST daily on our website chat (just push the purple button at the bottom right!) or call us at 866-316-VIBE (8423).