If you’re having trouble aligning your sex life with your feminism, you’re not alone. Having feminist sex is difficult. That’s because we continue to be hounded by patriarchal messages telling us that we don’t have the right to talk about pleasure, we don’t have the right to seek out pleasure alone and we sure as hell don’t have the right to expect it from anybody else.
But, there’s good news: you can dissolve the patriarchal cloud hanging over your sex life.
Work on these five things to achieve the feminist sex of your dreams:
1 – Respect Your Consent
We all know the importance of making sure our partner(s) are as excited as we are to have sex, but we need to question whether we extend the same respect to ourselves. Many of us are brought up to value other people’s wants and needs before our own. As children, we smile through uncomfortable social interactions because that’s what we’re supposed to do, and as adults, we smile through uncomfortable sexual interactions because that pressure to please remains.
As feminists, we need to respect our sexual boundaries like we respect those of our partners if we want to achieve fulfilling, feminist sex lives.
2 – Foreplay Erryday
So you’ve started dating someone new, and they’ve told you all about how amazingly skilled they are at oral. But when the time comes, this skill never materializes as they skip the foreplay altogether. Unless foreplay doesn’t do it for you, this is unacceptable. Foreplay boosts sexual pleasure for most, making it an essential part of feminist sex.
If your partner forgets about foreplay, don’t be afraid to remind them, coach them, or even demonstrate if you’re feeling generous!
3 – Fly Your Freak Flag
Society continues to frown upon sex that isn’t centered around cis male pleasure. This makes it extremely difficult to articulate wants and needs within a sexual relationship for fear of being shamed or rejected. As difficult as it may be to tell your partner(s) what you like, they won’t be able to give you the pleasure you deserve if you don’t. Start with something small and build on it each time you have sex.
Remember that no one has the right to shame you for your consensual, sexual desires.
4 – Prioritize Your Orgasm
Unfortunately, most of the research that is currently available is based on binary gender, so it’s incomplete at best. At Vibrant, we’d like to see more research on non-binary individuals and their experience with sexuality. But, according to the best information currently available, straight, cis women have fewer orgasms than anyone else. How can this be rectified? We say go ahead and follow Nicki Minaj’s lead. Demand an orgasm every time you have sex.
We’ll never reach equality until we’ve closed the orgasm gap.
5 – Give Yourself the Pleasure You Deserve
Masturbation (as well as watching porn) continues to be viewed as something shameful.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with touching yourself for pleasure.
It’s a massive part of a healthy sex life and is a great way to get to explore your own body as well as your sexual preferences! Don’t be shy: talking about masturbation (in the appropriate settings, of course) is essential in order to break down taboos and spread the feminist joy.
And speaking of, we’ve got lots of toys to help introduce some new sensations into your self-pleasuring habits. For those with vulvas, why not try the Satisfyer Pro 2 Next Generation? This groundbreaking, rechargeable toy employs contactless pressure wave stimulation that simulates oral sex sensations, like suction.
Or, for our friends with penises, have you ever tried a sleeve? If not, now’s your chance! The Apollo Max Reversible Penis Masturbator is a great choice. All you do is put some lube inside the sleeve, insert your penis, and proceed as usual.
Looking For Toys to Enhance Your Feminist Sex Life?
Vibrant has a variety of sex toys for every gender identity and sexual orientation, and each toy meets the very highest standards of safety – because we care about your health. Vibrant staffers love talking sex toys, so feel free to chat with us, and we can help recommend the product that’s perfect for you. We’re available 9am-9pm EST daily on our website chat (just push the purple button at the bottom right!) or call us at 866-316-VIBE (8423).