Gender affirmation is a topic that deeply affects trans and non-binary folks, and is not discussed often enough. Frequently, sex toys are geared towards people who have either a penis or vagina and feel connected to that part of themselves. However, trans and non-binary folks can often feel disengaged from their nether regions, and toys can magnify this feeling. These people are often caught in the predicament of wanting to feel pleasure while also feeling comfortable and empowered. Different toys have the capacity to either help or hinder the affirmation of someone’s gender identity. So, if you identify as trans, non-binary, or have a partner or partners who identify this way, find out how to make someone feel more comfortable in their skin.
Letting people come out of the narrow, rigid boxes society has forced them into is just plain sexy.
Trans Men & Transmasculine People
For transmasculine people, masturbation sleeves are great whether playing alone or with a partner. Forget the fleshlight; better options abound! For example, Tenga Eggs are a stretchy, textured masturbator made of a latex-free elastomer. The flexible material allows the egg to mold to a variety of shapes and gives you the ability to flip the textured side outwards to massage your genitals.
Just be aware that many stroking toys are made of TPR (thermoplastic rubber is a porous material) or Elastomer so they cannot be sterilized.
While strap-on dildos might feel like a natural choice for trans masculine sex toys, there’s generally little stimulation for the wearer. Tantus’ RealDoe is a great option because it is made with the softest silicone, and it feels like real skin. The design is hyper-realistic, too! Bonus.
Or, you could try the Fun Factory Share strapless double dildo, which aims to pleasure both partners. It’s made of high-quality silicone that is flesh-toned – although only in a lighter tone. It’s compatible with both harnesses and bullet vibrators, so it is a dynamic product for partnered sex.
Trans Women & Transfeminine People
Stimulating a clitoris or head of the penis with vibration can be a great way to pleasure a transfeminine person.
Many options are available for varying shapes and vibration strength, so take your time when figuring out what product works best for them.
Experimenting with vibration doesn’t require direct touch. Playing with vibration on the shaft, taint, or asshole first might ease someone into using the toy directly on the head or clit.
Bullet vibrators can be great for someone who hasn’t played with vibration before. Trans women might enjoy “rabbit-eared” vibrators designed with a feminine feel, like the JimmyJane Form 2. This product is waterproof, silicone, and features a LED light up face.
For trans women who are lesbians, strap-on sex is still an option. It might take a little searching to find a harness that rests comfortably, so looking for a cushier backplate is key. SpareParts makes the Deuce Harness which is specifically geared towards people with a penis so it won’t bunch or chafe the wearer.
The Anus: The Great Equalizer
Regardless of gender, everyone has an anus. Toys aren’t the only way to enjoy anal play, but they certainly help. Using gloved, lubricated fingers is a great way to explore before committing to a toy. A cushier, gel lubricant like Good Clean Love or Sliquid Silk are ideal. Lubrication is essential for anal play, because unlike vaginas – the anus doesn’t self-lubricate.
Butt plugs and anal beads are great toys for any body, and the best materials are ABS plastic, tempered glass, or metal. If porous materials are being used, just make sure to use them in combination with a condom. The critical feature that separates anal toys from the rest of the crowd is a solid base, mostly because the anus has a habit of vacuuming up anything else. Make sure before anything goes into the body, it has a good chance of coming back out.
For a toy that’s stationary throughout all kinds of play, butt plugs are a great choice because they give the sensation of fullness while creating pressure on the rectum.
Anal beads, on the other hand, play as a kind of a ripcord before orgasm.
If they’re removed slowly right before climax, they can stimulate the sphincter muscles and increase the pleasure for the wearer.
Remember in any kind of play, communication with your partner(s) is the most important part. Gender affirmation can be tricky, but a mutual feeling of respect and safety is crucial in sexual relationships. Knowing a partner’s terminology for their genitalia, their likes and dislikes, and their triggers can be ways to assure that sex is fun for all parties involved.
Thinking critically about which toys work best for your sex life could be a game changer in the pleasure you give and receive.
Questions About Gender Affirming Toys?
Vibrant has an ever-growing selection of products that can help affirm gender. Chat with us, and we can help recommend the product that’s perfect for you. We’re available 9am-9pm EST daily on our website chat (just push the purple button at the bottom right!) or call us at 866-316-VIBE (8423).