When people masturbate or have sex, they usually have an end goal in mind – one (or many) orgasms. But sexual contact doesn’t always guarantee a big finish. In fact, as many as 1 in 3 people who identify as women have difficulty climaxing and that’s not for a lack of trying.
The success of a sexual encounter (with yourself or with a partner) should never be judged on the number of orgasms reached, but it’s always a bonus when our bodies give us the gift of a big “O”.
Here are a few tricks that could help if you’re having difficulty climaxing.
1 – Focus On The Journey, Not The Destination
When you’re having a sexual encounter and all you can think about is the end result, you’re more likely to miss everything that makes your body feel good – making an orgasm less likely.
So instead of getting ahead of yourself, try to enjoy the moment. Think about what it is that you most enjoy about sex.
Maybe it’s when your partner takes your clothes off realllly slowly, or maybe it’s a bit of rough and tumble. Whatever your preference – it’ll be enjoyable whether or not you come.
2 – Explore Your Body Like You Would That Of A Lover
This one can’t be emphasized enough. Get to know your body – intimately.
Regular masturbation is the best way to find out what makes you feel meh, good, and f*cking amazing!
Most of the time we focus on what makes our partner(s) feel good. As generous as that may be, sex is only great if all parties have received the pleasure that they deserve.
3 – Invest In A Sex Toy (And Lots Of Lube)
There are many myths surrounding sex toys but the truth is that they can do wonders for your sex life. Different toys do it for different people, so do some research to figure out the best toy for you.
For those who have vulvas and have difficulty climaxing, the Satisfyer Pro Plus Vibration is an awesome toy that replicates the sexy suction sensations of oral sex.
If you’re curious about anal play, you can try a beginner plug like the Little Flirt Small Butt Plug by Tantus.
And don’t forget to add a tube of lube to your shopping basket. (Just remember to use water-based lube with your silicone toys, as the silicone-based lube can break down the silicone toys after continuous use.) One squeeze of that slippery goodness on your sexy bits can make you go from 0 to 100 real quick!
4 – Watch Porn Regularly
Porn has a bad rep as some videos are so off-putting that they’ll make you never want to have sex again. Luckily, there are a growing number of badass feminist filmmakers out there helping to change the industry. Forget hardcore heterosexual films that end when the man comes (usually on the woman’s face), these films are all about genuine pleasure and are sure to get you in touch with your sensual side.
One option is The Crash Pad Series, a queer porn site that features sex between people of all gender expressions, sexual orientations, body types, and abilities in an authentic way. As the performers choose their scenes and partners, you’ll often see them negotiating consent in the scene, as well. If you’re feeling reluctant to watch porn because you consider yourself a feminist, but you’re aroused – read more about why it’s okay for feminists to watch porn in the Vibrant blog here.
5 – Work It Out At The Gym
You already know that exercise is great for your health, but did you know working out regularly can help increase orgasms, too? That’s because the rush of endorphins you get after a gym session make you feel better about yourself and your body – a feeling that can extend into the bedroom.
Working certain muscles and getting your heart rate up can also increase the length of sex – and the chances of you reaching the big “O”.
6 – Set The Perfect Sexy Scene For You
It’s easy to get into your head during sex and start asking yourself questions like, “Is my underwear sexy enough?” or, “Does my partner mind that I didn’t shave my pubes?” Even though your partner probably doesn’t care, these questions are all it takes to distract you from enjoying yourself. In order to avoid this, try to plan in advance. Buy the sexiest lingerie you can find and shave your pubes if it makes you happy – the sexier you feel, the less likely you’ll have difficulty climaxing and the more confident you’ll feel overall!
7 – Touch Yourself During Sex
Just because you’re having sex with someone does not mean it’s their job to do all the work!
Help them get you off by touching yourself (or doing something else) that you know brings you pleasure. And don’t be shy about pleasuring yourself in front of your partner – the odds are they’ll enjoy it as much as you do!
8 – Be Explicit About What Turns You On
Have you heard the one about the guy who could read women’s minds and made them orgasm every time? No? That’s because he doesn’t exist. Your partner will never be able to make you feel like you died and went to heaven if you don’t tell them what you like (and what you don’t).
If you’re shy about sharing your preferences, start with something small like, “I like it when you touch me there,” and then build up to the dirrty stuff.
9 – If You’re Still Having Difficulty Climaxing, Consult An Expert
Sometimes you may have difficulty climaxing due to factors beyond your control. If you’ve scoured the internet for help and the big “O” remains elusive, go and speak to your doctor. Sometimes hormone levels and other health issues are the cause and they can help you find the treatment that works for you.
Remember, even if you are still having difficulty climaxing, sexual pleasure can come in a variety of forms. Even sensual touching and play itself can provide a sense of connection with yourself and partner(s) and is still beneficial for your health. So touch yourself, you deserve to feel good!