We have all been there: you were with someone for a long time, you had great sex and you miss that once you break up. Maybe the two of you were at different points in your careers and couldn’t find time for each other. Maybe one of you couldn’t be faithful, despite their best efforts. Whatever the cause of the break-up, it happened and you are both single now and both jonesing for an endorphin boost.
Is there a way you can get together for a booty call or a night of good sex and not get hurt? Studies say it is possible, but you need to approach it the right way.
When It Comes to Emotions, Leave Them At the Door
First and foremost, you need to be honest with yourself. If you are the one that got dumped, ask yourself the following:
- Are you still harboring hope you two will get back together? If so, sex is only going to confuse things and is not advisable at this point.
- Are you subconsciously hoping for a chance at revenge? This also is a bad reason to bump uglies with an ex, so shelve that idea and find another way to scratch your itch.
- Can you handle the really ugly side of this person? If you did the breaking up, there is the possibility that they are coming back to get revenge or be able to hurt you. This can end badly, so you need to be prepared for that possibility.
Consider The Benefits
Obviously, you are hoping to get laid, so sex is a huge benefit of a connection with your ex. However, there are also some other positives to this situation:
- You can be honest about STDs: Hopefully, your ex isn’t a lowlife, and when you ask if he or she has been checked lately, they will tell you the truth. This is an awkward conversation with a new partner, but it doesn’t have to be awkward with an ex.
- They know what you like: There is no training period or awkward limbo while you figure out what makes your partner purr. You both know what the other likes, or you wouldn’t be considering sex with this ex in the first place.
- It can help you Move On: Sounds counter-intuitive, right? However, once you have been out of a relationship for a period of time, you start to remember the good stuff and forget the bad aspects. If you go back to having sex with that ex, you get a more realistic perspective on the break-up and remember the reasons you don’t want to be with that guy or girl anymore. Then, it becomes easier to start looking for a new and healthy relationship to be part of.
Are the Negatives Worth the Sex?
Now that you have thought about the good points, consider the potential bad side.
- Your ex could want more again, and you have to break up all over again.
- Your ex could be worse than the first time, and you may end up with a stalker.
- The sex could be not as good, and you wasted your time with them when you could have been finding someone new.
So, when can it work to hook up with your ex? Well, if the stars align, you both agree there are no emotions involved and no one is trying to get revenge or trying to kick-start the relationship again, you both can scratch that itch. You will be with someone that really knows the right way to do things, and you can enjoy the sex without stressing over what is going to happen next, what it means or who said what and meant what. It can be a good way to get laid with no strings, but it can also be tricky to make sure that is the situation. Be careful and be realistic, and you may just get laid and walk away with only the benefits.