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Hooking Up With an Ex

Hooking Up With an Ex – When Can It Work?

We have all been there: you were with someone for a long time, you had great sex, and you miss that once you break up. Maybe the two of you were at different points in your careers and couldn’t find time for each other. Maybe one of you couldn’t be faithful, despite their best efforts. Whatever the cause of the breakup, it happened, and you are both single now and jonesing for an endorphin boost. Is there a way you can get together for a booty call or a night of good sex and not get hurt? Studies say it is possible, but you need to approach it the right way.

Emotions? Leave Them at the Door.

First and foremost, you need to be honest with yourself. If you are the one that got dumped, ask yourself the following:

  • Are you still harboring hope you two will get back together? If so, hooking up with an ex is only going to confuse things and is not advisable at this point. Riding solo is your best bet.
  • Are you subconsciously hoping for a chance at revenge? This also is a lousy reason to hook up with an ex, so shelve that idea and find another way to scratch your itch.
  • Can you handle the horrid side of this person? If you did the breaking up, there is the possibility that they are coming back for revenge. This can end badly, so you need to be prepared for that possibility.

Consider the Benefits of Hooking Up With an Ex.

You are hoping to get laid, so sex is a massive benefit of reconnecting with your ex. However, there are also some other positives to this situation:

  • You can (and should!) be honest about STDs. Hopefully, your ex isn’t a lowlife, and when you ask if he or she has been checked lately, they will tell you the truth. This is an awkward conversation with a new partner, but it doesn’t have to be awkward with an ex.
  • They know what you like. There is no training period or awkward limbo while you figure out what makes your partner purr.
  • It can help you move on. Sounds counter-intuitive, right? However, once you have been out of a relationship for a while, you start to remember the good stuff and forget the bad aspects. If you go back to having sex with that ex, you get a more realistic perspective on the breakup and remember the reasons you don’t want to be with that person anymore. Looking for a new and healthy relationship becomes easier.

Are the Negatives Worth the Sex?

Now that you have thought about the good points, consider the potential bad side.

  • Your ex could want more, and you might have to break up all over again.
  • Your ex could be unpleasant – even more so than during the breakup.
  • The sex might be worse than you remember, and you wasted your time when you could have been finding someone new.

So, when does hooking up with your ex work? Well, if the stars align, you both agree there are no emotions involved, no one is trying to get revenge or kickstart the relationship again, you both can scratch that itch. You will be with someone that knows the right way to do things, and you can enjoy the sex without stressing over what is going to happen next or what it all means. It can be a good way to get laid with no strings, but it can also be tricky to navigate that situation. Be careful and be realistic, and you may find yourself hooking up with an ex and walking away with only the benefits.

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Hooking up with your ex? Great, grab some condoms or dental dams. Not gonna happen? Treat yourself to a vibrator or stroking sleeve to celebrate your independence! Or, chat with us, and we can help recommend the product that’s perfect for you. We’re available 9am-9pm EST daily on our website chat (just push the purple button at the bottom right!) or call us at 866-316-VIBE(8423).

Vibrant Staff

The Vibrant Staff writers are a group of sex-positive cis women and queer folks employed by Vibrant. Our contributors are passionate about educational advocacy, sexual autonomy and freedom, healthy relationships, and sharing their experiences with you!

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Vibrant Staff

The Vibrant Staff writers are a group of sex-positive cis women and queer folks employed by Vibrant. Our contributors are passionate about educational advocacy, sexual autonomy and freedom, healthy relationships, and sharing their experiences with you!

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