It all started with an egg…
Kids? Breakfast? Vandalism? No not any of these!
I’m talking about introducing sex toys to my husband! Let me start by giving you a little background about the “hub”.
I normally would discourage anyone from stereotyping, but for this story it is a must. He works for an oil and gas engineering firm, is a self professed data nerd, builds his own computers, is an avid online gamer and yes I am sure this is not shocking news for anyone, a very quiet and reserved person.
He has always been my biggest fan. Picking me up when I am down and smiling from the sidelines when I am in the winners circle. So you can imagine when I came home one summer evening and said “Hey guess what? I am going to start selling sex toys!”, that he was supportive but had a fleeting look of panic on his face. A few months later, I came home with a few products to try and with the mandate that if we were going to make this a success, by golly we needed to try everything.
I chose a Tenga Egg for him. I was going on an overnight trip and thought this would give him the privacy to try it out.
My daily routine after work, like most women, is to go upstairs, rip off my bra and put on some yoga pants. True to form, I arrived home after my trip and headed upstairs. I happened to glance into the bathroom.
There on the counter was the unwrapped Tenga Egg!!
I was ecstatic and of course I wanted all of his feedback. I started with the rapid fire questioning that my family has grown accustomed to. When did you use it, did you like it, what did it feel like, is it worth putting on Vibrant…. He turned white, then red and then started to mumble. I thought, “Oh geez, I lost him”. He is going to close up like a teenage boy who doesn’t want to speak to his mom about a love interest. I caught myself at that point and said “Ok, no more questions, did you like it or not?”. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away.
I know masturbation isn’t new for him or me but it is something that we just had never talked about. We essentially go to our separate corners when we feel the need or desire for self pleasure. I know there were times in our relationship that I was thankful for masturbation. When my father passed away, I could barely function, let alone have sex with him or myself. I was lucky to get out of bed in the morning. And now as I am entering the perimenopausal stage of life, it has become a lifesaver for trying to get back to sleep.
So why is masturbation something that we had virtually never talked about as a couple?
How can I be a founder of Vibrant and an advocate for sexual pleasure and not have talked to him about this? Have I let society’s stigma of sex and pleasure influence my behavior with him? If the shoe was on the other foot would I have the same reaction as he did? The answer is yes, and it couldn’t have been any more obvious at that point.
Many relationship experts will tell you that communication is the key to any healthy relationship. This is so true. I realized that we needed to have more honest conversations with each other about pleasure. He needed to hear from me that it was normal and not shameful. I needed him to know that it wasn’t a lack of my desire to be with him but more about just wanting to go to sleep. Together we were missing a part of each other that is so integral to overall happiness.
Two years into this new business adventure and we are still learning new things about each other but one of the biggest hurdles is gone. We talk openly about sex toys, what we like and don’t like and our orgasms
Who would’ve thought that cracking open one Tenga egg would expose so many deep seeded beliefs that we had. Beliefs that society has taught us, beliefs that simply aren’t true.
So where do you start if you are like me and had these old tracks of shame playing in your head? You might want to start with an egg and remember that masturbation is healthy, pleasurable and above all normal.