Many people are curious about kink, but getting started can feel intimidating. Before taking the plunge, read our beginner’s guide to kink, and you’ll be ready to give it a go in no time.
Kink 101: Let’s Start at the Very Beginning
BDSM stands for Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism and Masochism. It is the consensual eroticization of power exchange. People use many different words to discuss or identify with this community or communicate different identities, activities, and preferences; here, I will use the word kink or BDSM as umbrella terms.
Because kink encompasses such a wide variety of ideas, remember that engaging in one aspect of kink does not mean that you must engage in all aspects of it.
For some members of the kink community, pain isn’t involved in their scenes.
For others, domination or submission has nothing to do with their scenes. Some may never participate in bondage or discipline. We all have limits and respecting those is absolutely necessary.
Kink is Normal
Contrary to what popular culture tells us kinky people are not “damaged.” In fact, interest in experimenting with kink is extremely common.
Some people enjoy trying the spiciest peppers the world has to offer; similarly, kinky people often want to experience intense sensations.
Just like people who jump out of airplanes or get tattoos, kinky people like to play with adrenaline and endorphins. Like those who attend renaissance fairs or act in plays, kinky people like to dress up and explore different roles. Kink is a great way to learn about yourself and your partner(s), create deeper connections, experience new head spaces, push boundaries, fulfill fantasies, let go, or take control.
So, if you’re interested in BDSM, filling out a yes/no/maybe list is a great place to start. These lists are not limited to kink, so feel free to fill one out for non-kink sex as well. Kink-specific lists might have things such as restraints, spanking, biting, role play, gags, etc. You can find them all over the internet. These lists are not all encompassing nor are they a contract. They are the start of an ongoing negotiation with yourself and your partner(s). You do not need a partner to fill out a yes/no/maybe list. Completing one without immediate plans to show it to someone else is a great way to learn about yourself and about the world of kink.
Use Your (Safe!) Words
As a sex educator, I am a firm believer in the necessity of communication in all parts of life, not just sex, but I cannot stress enough the importance of communication in kink. Even if you are celebrating your 40th anniversary with a partner that knows your deepest secrets, hopes, and dreams, and every inch of your body, there is still a new and in-depth conversation that you all need to have before you bring kink into your lives.
Negotiations before each kinky encounter are necessary for new and established partners. Safe words are essential!
Kink 101 Toy Guide
If you find yourself drawn to bondage, check out some wrist or ankle cuffs. Traditional metal cuffs can tighten or lock unexpectedly causing nerve damage. Restraints made out of vegan leather are easy and safe to use. The Fetish Leather Ankle or Hand Cuffs by Easy Toys are a favorite, and easy on the eyes.
Rope is another great way to get into bondage. You can learn basic knots – like the single column tie – from books, classes, or reputable internet sources.
If you find yourself drawn to impact play, check out the silicone impact toys by Tantus. Famous for making dildos, Tantus has used their body safe, high-grade silicone to create these amazing toys. Silicone grips the skin as it makes an impact, so these toys sting and bite.
Plus, the silicone toys are super easy to clean; you can just throw these in the dishwasher to sterilize.
I recommend the Plunge Paddle by Tantus which has an insertable handle (use with water-based lube only).
The Dragon Tail Whip by Tantus is great for those looking for even more bite. And, it doubles as a dildo!
If you find yourself drawn to dominance and submission, collars are a fun way to get into that headspace. You can add a leash and tail plug to try out some role play too. Check out this sexy adjustable Fetish Kink Collar with Leash by Easy Toys, made with comfortable faux leather!
There is a whole world of BDSM/kink out there, and we’ve only just scratched the surface.
I definitely recommend grabbing a book that goes into depth about all of BDSM, and, once you’ve figured out where your interests lie, you can learn specifically about how to top, or bottom, or any other area your heart desires.
You may also want to check out classes offered in your neighborhood or a nearby city that a quick google search can help you find. Regardless of where you start, everyone involved in kink was once a newbie, so there’s no reason to be nervous. A new world of pleasure awaits!
The Vibrant Team Can Help You Select the Perfect Kinky Toy
Vibrant has a wide range of kinky products for beginners to try. Chat with the Vibrant team, and they can help recommend the products that are right for you. They’re available 9am-9pm EST daily on the website chat (just push the purple button at the bottom right!) or call us at 866-316-VIBE (8423).