Each passing birthday does not signify a person’s desire for sexual satisfaction waning, nor should it. In fact, a number of sources state that approximately 10,000 baby boomers are retiring every single day! Regardless of age, you still have a right to feel good, and with so many people leaving the workforce, think about the additional time and opportunity to explore your body! You may be finding time for other new or additional extracurriculars, but sexual stimulation and pleasure can be as important a part of self-care as anything else.
There are many ways to continue finding pleasure and enjoying your own body and a partner’s body as you age; and as at any age, there is no shame in finding pleasure alone. In fact, we encourage it! Below are some tips and tools to keep finding that feeling you desire.
To start, get comfortable.
There’s no need to rush any part of pleasure regardless of age. Sit back and enjoy. If you’re looking for some assistance in getting comfortable, look no further. (These tips are in no particular order so feel free to pick and choose whatever is best for you.)
- Engage in foreplay and warm-up whether alone or with a partner. Like previously mentioned, there’s no reason to rush. Try different things until you feel ready to go further. Explore the body; sexual pleasure doesn’t have to focus on just one or two areas.
- Fantasize. There’s no need to stay in the present as long as you are enjoying the moment.
- If you’re with a partner, ask what they like and share what you want. Talking about what feels good, or even imaging it, is often a good start to getting going.
- Use Lube. Lube is a magical, luxurious assistant that helps sex and stimulation feel more comfortable, regardless of age. Lube lessens friction and adds a smooth, natural feeling, regardless of whether or not your body is producing its own vaginal lubrication. During or post-menopause, if vaginal dryness is causing pain or irritation, lube may become your best friend and we’re completely supportive and encouraging of that friendship.
- Use pillows, furniture, or a Liberator to get in a comfortable position. If you’re in an uncomfortable position or unable to touch a desired area, finding a way to sit, stand, or lie down can be helpful. It’s hard to get warmed up if you have a kink in your neck or a sore knee.
Make “sex” whatever it is for you alone, or with a partner.
Sex doesn’t have to include a second person, nor does it have to be penetrative. You don’t have to have sex to get sexual pleasure. Over time, sexual preference changes. Maybe you just want to caress your partner to feel close to them, maybe you want to use a vibrator alone on different parts of your body. There’s no need to push it; feeling good is whatever it means to you.
It’s ok to ask for help.
This might mean help keeping an erection, help warming up, or help getting to climax. Help can come in many forms, from a partner, a product, or your imagination.
- Use a vibrator or another sex toy. Whether you’re solo or with a partner, adding products that provide pleasure can enhance the experience. Maybe you’re looking for something strong to help you climax or something to add lubrication? Products can add to the experience and help you out in the best ways. The Tantus Rumble is an external vibrator that’s ergonomic grip was made for the purpose of comfort. It can be used all over the body and is a great option for someone who wants something easy to hold or with mobility issues.
- As we age, it becomes harder to get and maintain erections. There are products that can help with this so that sex and masturbation can be what you want it to be. The Hot Octopuss products have a pulsating component that helps many who have trouble getting and maintain erections. The Pulse III Solo is meant to be used alone, and the Pulse III Duo was made to provide pleasure to both partners. C-Rings are another great option to help maintain an erection. Rings around the penis and testicles constrict blood flow, enabling the penis to stay harder for longer. The Tantus Super-Soft C-Ring is a great place to start if going this route.
- Partner communication is key to sexual pleasure. Communicating with your partner about what you need and what does and doesn’t feel good is an easy way to ask for help finding pleasure (and can add to sex play).
These tips and tricks for enhancing pleasure at any age are just a start. Listen to your body. If something doesn’t feel good, change it up. Finding out what you like can help you communicate it to a partner. Remember, just because you used to like something, doesn’t mean you still do. There is always space for self-discovery.
For more on this topic, Joan Price’s book Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex has great, detailed information and tips from experts and everyday people for sex and pleasure for seniors.