Couples using sex toys can be a somewhat taboo subject. There is a lingering belief that couples shouldn’t “need” sex toys if they are good lovers, because they should be able to satisfy their partner “on their own” or “without help”. It is very common that a person is curious about trying a sex toy, but feels nervous bringing it up with their partner because of these stereotypes and narrow perspectives. So let’s just go ahead and bust up that old tired idea of what it means to be a good partner. Instead, read on for some straight talk about how sex toys can increase your intimacy and pleasure, inject exploration and play into your sexy times, and support healthy communication with your partner. Sex toys can do all of that, provide mind blowing orgasms, and can be one of the safest forms of safer sex.
First of all, there’s a very important statistic that should probably be included in most comprehensive sex ed. In 1976, an American-born German sexuality researcher, Shere Hite, published her findings that 70% of people with vulvas were unable to orgasm through intercourse alone. They needed direct, consistent clitoral stimulation if they were going to be able to experience climax. This stimulation can be provided during intercourse by hand, or in some cases by a partner’s body rubbing against the clit. However, many people with vulvas find that hands or bodies do not provide the level of consistent repetitive stimulation for the length of time that they need to have an orgasm. In this case, which is very common, they need to use a vibrator if they are going to have an orgasm during intercourse with their partner. So many couples are unaware of this, and feel frustrated or disappointed when they cannot orgasm with a partner. If this issue occurs regularly and is undiscussed, it can lead to partners feeling resentful, depressed, or disconnected. Enter sex toys to increase intimacy and satisfaction during partner play!
So which sex toys are a great choice for couples in this situation? Vibrators that are good for external clitoral stimulation! When being used in couple’s play or during intercourse, many people prefer small, quiet vibrators so that they don’t distract their focus from their partner. Eva, an innovative new toy by Dame Products, was designed specifically to “close the pleasure gap” by being used during intercourse. With two little arms that hold it in place over the clitoris, this powerful little vibe is a “no hands!” option that many couples love. Up next is the powerful yet quiet brilliance of the We-Vibe Tango. Don’t be fooled by it’s simple appearance, this small ABS plastic bullet packs more vibration power than many larger and more impressive looking toys. It is also small, slim, and quiet, which makes it a perfect option for partners who want as little in between them as possible.
Beyond using a sex toys to be able to share the experience of orgasm with partners, many people use sex toys as an opportunity to add variety, creativity, and exploration into their sexual connection with their partner. Especially in long term monogamous relationships, sex toys can be seen as sex tools that help build an ongoing healthy sexual connection. One way this happens is through the experience of shopping for and picking out toys. Almost any toy can be a couples toy if people use the approach of being invested in both their shared and individual pleasure. Shopping for and looking at different sex toys can be a great facilitator for talking about what fantasies, desires, and behaviors each person might be interested in. Often couples can fall into a pattern or routine of how they have sex, and don’t invest time and energy into trying new things.
While most toys can be used by couples, the following toys offer great opportunities for simultaneous pleasure! We-Vibe’s 4 Plus is a multi-purpose toy that changed the game for couple’s toys. This small U-shaped vibrator has two strong motors on either end. It can be worn during intercourse with one end inside the vaginal canal and one side putting pressure and vibration on the clitoris.This provides increased stimulation and pleasure for both partners. It can also be used for partners who use strap-ons in their play. If the person wearing the harness has a vulva , they can wear the we-vibe on underneath the harness- with one end worn internally and the other pressed against their clitoris. This way they will get a jolt of vibration and sensation from the pressure the harness will put on the We-Vibe every time they thrust their hips and push into their partner.
Another wonderful option for couples is to explore anal play together. While some people have tried and know that anal play isn’t their thing, many people don’t give this erogenous zone a chance to be part of their pleasure possibilities. To start, it is very important to know how to have safe and pleasurable anal sex. Many people try anal without enough information and have a bad or painful experience. However, if practiced with care, people can experience a whole new kind of orgasm, sexual experience, and level of intimacy by playing with their butts! A good starting anal toy for couples is a butt plug. Meant to be slowly inserted into the anus and then stay put, a butt plug provides an internal anal massage to the wearer as their pelvic floor muscles contract and flex during arousal and play. A butt plug can also transmit vibration and increased pressure inside the vagina if a couple is enjoying penetration at the same time.
These are only a few of the countless ways couples can enjoy toys together. With good information and open communication, sex toys can be a wonderful addition to any couple’s sex life.
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